BUTTERFLIES DO SOAR
Some things take time, somethings happen instantly, somethings progress and build in to a firm foundation on which to build bigger and better things!
This like me is a work in progress,, hope you enjoy re visiting when It is completed,, unlike me who will never be totally completed in this world.
I will be using this site to add my writing I want the world to see...
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WHO AM I,, ,,,,, READ ON
Wednesday, February 23, 2005, 4:41:46 PM, you wrote:
ok before we go any further,, i aint old,, never will be ,, and i am never going to mature either!!! mature is boring,,,,
Not sure what there is to say about previous life , i lived i breathed i survived,, i guess i could start a book chapter one what i remember ,, but ,, instead I have the first page of the thinking book I write in when I get a brain full of thoughts I have to write,,
30-11-04
Well this is once again another attempt to put everything outside from the inside. If it sounds, read, and feels like they do on the inside, it could read amusingly confusingly.
Though it will bring a smile, maybe a tear, definitely a frown, if possible an insight. so ill write. If it gets read at all by anyone let this introduction be the warning.
I could start at the beginning, or the first memory, what about the classic when I was a child' then there is the teen, life changing, happenings, what about my family, ups and down of a 27 yr marriage? How children brought me up. so many headings so many chapters. the scary thing is - if I re read it will it show me who I am or who others see I am or even what I am? Will it let me see on the outside the inside me I keep protected, hidden, but very fragilely tough?
Well I guess the beginning is the center of the whole. My Centre is my whole. Some see it, some think it’s what they see. So what is the Centre of me?
My centre is my heart. My heart is am all. Your heart? Some so oh yeah it beats, it sends blood around, sends O2 around to aid survival. Does mine? I'm not sure. My heart is made up of so many people. Everyone who comes in to my life, who touches my life. All those who walk through my life but leave me their footprints. That’s what my life is made up of,
That is what my makes my heart. Each person puts a patch some small some large, some very fragile and some thick tough and stable. Like their owners they all effect the heart, the me, I am now. If one person who owns the patch needs me I am there. Each patch is precious; each person can take their patch anytime. It leaves a hole for me to put a fragile patch on of my friendship to keep hold and tend to until the person returns or leaves me with memories.
The hardest is the patches I hold tight to, of friends loved that wont return except in my dreams, but patches are what make up my heart, loved friends are what hold it together. Someone holds my heart for safe keeping - I wont ask for it back as the strength that gives them is what they need at this time to be worthy of love.
BELOW ARE THE NEW ENTRIES THAT WILL APPEAR ON A REGULAR BASIS IF ONE PERSON FINDS SOMETHING TO TAKE AWAY THEN ITS A BONUS ,,, ENJOY SMILE ,, 20-11-05
my mother once said she has very rarely been herself
Today i see before my eyes were wide shut
Like her I wonder how to be me
I am someone's daughter - have been someone's grand daughter
,, the sister of,,, the step sister of,,, the eldest,, a number, a nurse so and so,,, the girlfriend of,, the wife of,, the daughter in law of,,, the mother of,, the grandma of,,,
at work they see the office lady
Those I work close with have a glimpse, a blink of me, what I allow them to see.
If I am just beginning to see me, who I am, how can people express their opinion correctly of me?
"I know who you are " - " I know what you are thinking"
Why have these people managed to grasp the art of ESP?
I dont want to be a mystery - why now do I want to know who I am? Why I am here? Where is the future taking me?
Why are the birds singing so much clearer? why is th green so much brighter? the fronds on the punga so detailed?
I feel like life has to be lived in this moment to the fullest. Everything has to be drank inwards. Treasured, accepted as is!!
ENTRY 7-11-05
WRITTEN ON 12-1-05
A new start to an old heart or is that a new start with a refreshed heart -its not a ne start to a new heart ..... Do I want a new heart? - Never - to clean out what is there the old, new, happy, sad, relieved and hurt would make me a new person. A new person is not the aim!
Is the aim to work to a goal or just to work? Some say to endure - but endure sounds a cold work - better to live, smile and make lemonade because who knows what's around the corner?
People serve a purpose in this life - some achieve it, some pass on to other places never accomplishing the aim. Days, weeks, months, years who is to tell the time it takes. Then to move on.
What if all choices have a parallel course? Are my parellelpersons happier? What roadworks do they come across? And so the pebble in the water causes ripples do do the choices made. To take time to think of them and their ripple effect on those we love, takes away the friendship patches of the heart today and another choice of living without those in my life today... choices I dont want to make, as to loose those, means to loose some meaning in my life. Meanings I not yet understand. The one remaining constant brings joy, happiness, sorrow and times of frustration. Although I stand on a pedestal it is only maintained by the thoughts of another. So many faces, do i know who I am?
3-11-05 CHILDLIKE INNOCENCE
A feather floating
Dancing with the wind
Apart from the world but in it
Beside bubbles play on the breeze
Leaves frolic on the downward journey
Giggles are music to the best ears
Wisdom to enjoy
Knowledge to use in fun
Maturity to act childlike
Some see smiles, laughter, memories
Those too old weary worn see mess, work, dirt.
How many wrinkles occur because the simple is not enjoyed?
How many illnesses are uncured due to maturity?
When do we loose the childlike enjoyment the world has to offer?
Some never do
Trusting is something we learn from whom?
If everyone has the black cloud, untrusting, unwilling to accept what is seen in the eyes of those they meet
What chance does anyone have of correcting their choices in life?
Past hurts get laid as carpets on the trusting spirit
Smiles - yeah- but smiles that come to a wall and never reach the eyes.
Actions of play but actions without becoming play
Play is - not acting, not joining in, not because - play is!
Bubbles, leaves, puddles, feathers, mud, showers
A toe in the sea isn’t paddling
A finger touch to playdoh isn’t molding
Play is
Maturity used right can give you childlike innocence for life.
To emerge from a cocoon in to the light. Weary as to the sunshine, will it last unitl my wings unfold? Will it warm until my wings hav stretched and dried? The point of emergence so easy to have ignored and stayed folded, secure and self safe. The sun came out and cracked the shell of safety little by little it casued the change. Slowly giving warmth surrounding me with self awareness of the world I can grow in to. Wonder of feeling that instead of inviting in those into my world I can go in to the world and still be who I am in mine. Wonders of the journey began because once the butterfly stats to come out of the cocoon al she can do is emerge. Wings crumpled, wet, mind renewing to the world around. Needing time to stretch needing time to breathe needing time to gain the strength to soar. Having sunshine to help while I find all that I in me to do this. The wonder of seeing outside my cocoon that the world really does love butterflies. To trust that when I land even for a little while I will find those who wont crush my wings. Find, and then use the butterfly instinct to know the ones to trust and follow the cod I set myself. Saying no and let me be me, doesn’t mean I can’t love, can’t trust, or can’t live within the world. It means the butterfly can live and enjoy life as life without crushed wings. |